and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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