You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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