here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
