the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
