I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
