i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I want to fling myself into the sun
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
