her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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