I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
