your room smells of hookers.
And success
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have feelings that need drinking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
