I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
