sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize