considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
