I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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