Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
