Already got asked if we're dating
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
