Im at strip club and am horny
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
