Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
