you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it's like heaven, but drunker
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
