And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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