Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my poor anus
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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