dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
