he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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