haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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