It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
