yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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