can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
