You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
