So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I want is dick and wine.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
