Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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