if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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