Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
