i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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