Im at strip club and am horny
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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