I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
