WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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