where am i from again
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
