i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
