see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
is it fun? or sober?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize