My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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