you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
