im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
