We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
