***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
