You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
