The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you will always have a special place in my vag
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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