you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
