I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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