Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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