zippers are such a cool invention
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
