He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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