was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
where does the pee come out of this thing
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
