Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
