Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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