he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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