Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Holy sore nipples Batman
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
