oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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