I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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