weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Randomize
