Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
