you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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