Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
