U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
