who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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