i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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