Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
