It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize