i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
