dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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