Sponge bath it is.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
