I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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