that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
