Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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