somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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