matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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