So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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