i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
